who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
