i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I'm both gender and math confused
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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