nut hugger
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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