Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
