when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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