1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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