My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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