i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
