this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
