He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Randomize
