Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
