Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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