I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
