In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
