Apparently you make a good broom.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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