Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I need a burrito and a hug.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
