his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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