You just made me feel so damn special
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Randomize
