ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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