just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
