im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
