u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
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