Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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