god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Randomize
