i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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