It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
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He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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