Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
