I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
