oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
