i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize