my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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