My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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