I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
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I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
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I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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