The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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