God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
