She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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