so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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