whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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