OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
