everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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