i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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