I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
