Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
