remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
you win again, gameday.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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