no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
