Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
