I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
