Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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