Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
You ate ashes out of my bong
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
