I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
