Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Iām on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
