so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
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look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
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Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
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