My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize