I skipped work to stalk him.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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