thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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