Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
