I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
