i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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