okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
