We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
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I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
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The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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