Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
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