and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
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