I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
