It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
