Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
