Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
sarcasm needs its own font
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Randomize
