I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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