do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
